By Tania Almeida*
The first edition of 'Negotiating at an Uneven Table: A Practical Approach to Working with Difference and Diversity' – “Negotiating on an Unbalanced Table: A Practical Approach to Working with Difference and Diversity” dates back to 1994, when Phyllis Beck Kritek was already moving into the area of training in dispute resolution, articulating communication with leadership and gender.
In the book, the author is dedicated to sharing attitudes that can constructively address inequity and diversity at a negotiating table. Without exhausting the topic, Phyllis moves progressively through: (i) negotiating contexts of apparent imbalance and (ii) approaches traditionally used in negotiations of this nature, until she leads us to (iii) constructive management of unbalanced tables.
Classic imbalances – hierarchical, for example – are apparent and easily noticed - but some situations of imbalance can go unnoticed and have unfavorable translations in the results of a negotiation, if not properly addressed during its course.
Phyllis' final intention is to share attitudes that traders can adopt to deal with unbalanced tables. The concept of imbalance it is metaphorical, and speaks of the absence of equity, of imbalance in one or more aspects that involve a negotiation.
The natural imbalances of business contexts
The author begins the work, addressing aspects inherent to the contexts of dialogue:
(i) each one will have a different version of the object/event that motivates the conversation, based on their own social construction – which builds prejudices, pros and cons, and emphasizes or minimizes aspects or issues brought to the table;
(ii) each one will bring particular interests – which translate into greater or lesser rigidity in participation and in the defense of ideas, greater or lesser exercise of power related to the subject, or to the relationship with others.
It is worth mentioning here that the exercise of power in an interaction alternates between the participants, and that the dispute for power will always be present. The philosopher Michel Foucault told us that the question to be invariably asked would be “How is power being handled in each relationship?” And I would add: at a certain time.
I mention as a warning that our perception tends to focus on more classic forms of power exercise (boss / employee, leadership / team) and is less sensitive to how fragile positions can exert enormous control in a relationship and in a negotiation. Fragility can be a relevant currency for exercising power.
In addition to the ingredients brought by Phyllis to a negotiating context, we would need to consider that there will always be natural imbalances at a conversation table: in the form of communication, in negotiating skills, in what may or may not seem culturally more appropriate, more reasonable or not. That is, there are no naturally balanced tables in a negotiation. Negotiating is a complex process that puts into the field and into conversation a diversity of cultural, personal, relational, material and immaterial aspects.
Traditional approaches at unbalanced tables
Phyllis uses the expression manipulation to refer to a set of attitudes that would not be desirable at the negotiating table. The expression manipulation would be used for acts and attitudes that frankly favor the interests of some, and not of others, being able to be given overtly (easier identification) or covertly.
In this direction, lying, betrayal, cheating, the deliberate construction of impasses, cynicism, attack and proposals that distract the other can be present in old models of negotiation, visibly unbalancing the table.
In Phyllis' text, however, there is also mention of a number of masked manipulation features (masks of manipulation), which may present themselves consciously or unconsciously. The list goes through praise, flattery, kindness, generosity, bows, flirtation and comes to the emotional numbness that takes the other hostage, in addition to the projection - putting in the other aspects that belong to the one who projects -, all, attitudes that can go unnoticed by those who integrates a negotiation, and I would say, by the third facilitator of a dialogue.
Constructive ways to handle an unbalanced table
Writer Phyllis Beck Kritek says that honing skills (skills) does not transform people or relationships, something else is needed. It reinforces this idea by ensuring that there are no simple answers to complex situations and that the changes need to be organic. And along these lines, it speaks of individual transformations in the way of understanding and seeing situations in general, beyond the negotiated issues. In other words, it would be in each of us the set of resources that would favor dealing with diversity and unbalanced tables in a more systemic way - this would be the something more, the systemic view of the situation (considering different factors in articulation and interdependence) and get involved in managing the imbalance.
Phyllis draws attention to the foundations of quantum physics that undo the idea of an impartial observer and demonstrate that the object will always be described according to the place that each observer occupies: where you are, how you look, what you look for, why and when you look, and how fast you look are elements that interfere in the description of objects and facts.
It evokes the physicist and philosopher Thomaz Kuhn and his idea of paradigm – paradigm effect and paradigmatic paralysis – which turns the observer into a prisoner of his beliefs, as he goes to the field to confirm hypotheses rather than identify the new with genuine curiosity. The notion of a single truth that the philosopher Immanuel Kant helped the world, especially the legal world, to believe, falls apart. The idea of linear causality, demonstrating that our interventions act mechanically and directly on objects, altering results, falls together.
Having knowledge about these aspects, present in the scenario where understandings and disagreements take place, is essential. In this more complex scenario resides the perception of the legitimacy and admissibility of diversity and differences of all kinds. This admission substantially impacts the act of listening and its quest to understand the other's motivation, intentions and feelings (compassion), and to identify what is common, convergent and complementary, I would add.
“Communicating one’s motivations, intentions and feelings truly and clearly, as well as acknowledging one’s ambiguities, expands the context and boundaries of conflict and conversation, rather than focusing on an eventual imbalance, giving way to fear and apprehension”
Be well informed about the topics to be dealt with in the negotiation - map what you know about and what you don't know -, learn from the other without being defensive, act with creativity and humor and, above all, keep in dialogue, identifying opportunities for the understanding and recognizing their interdependence with the other to resolve the issue, are tips for constructive attitudes offered by the author in “Negotiando en uma mesa unbalanced”.
Phyllis guides each negotiator to identify the threshold for staying at the negotiating table – when and how to withdraw. The other's unavailability to negotiate is a right he has, says the author. It's her problem, not his. After trying to utilize the resources mentioned above, which constructively deal with the imbalance, leaving a negotiation table can be an act of courage, self-worth and integrity. And I would complement: meet your BATNA (Better Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and identify alternatives that better address their interests, needs and values, help in this nature of decision.
I think all these recommendations from Phyllis for managing our passage through an unbalanced table can also be useful when we act as facilitators of dialogues, helping people to consider and use the attitudes mentioned by the author, aiming to bring their best skills to a negotiation table, in a scenario of this nature.
Like William Ury in 'Getting to Yes with Yourself', Phyllis brings the responsibility for better outcomes at a negotiating table to the lap of every negotiator. And speaking of 'Getting to Yes with Yourself', let's explore the author's tips in the next issue of Read With Me. Until then!
Trading at an unbalanced table – a practical approach to working with difference and diversity, Phyllis Beck Kritek
339 pages
* Tania Almeida – Master in Conflict Mediation and Dialogue Facilitator between individuals and/or legal entities. For 40 years she has been designing and coordinating dialogue processes aimed at mapping, crisis prevention, change management and conflict resolution. She is the creator and founder of the MEDIARE System, a set of three entities dedicated to dialogue – research, service provision, teaching and social projects.
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I would like to know if Phyllis B. Kritek's book already has a Portuguese translation.
I would also like to know if the commentary on William Ury's book is already available and on which website.
Grata
Grace Ferro