By Tania Almeida*

Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negatiuntil
Roger Fisher & Daniel Shapiro

Inspired by Harvard Negotiation Project (HNP), Roger Fisher, now deceased, renowned negotiator and co-author of ´How to Get to Yes´, and Daniel Shapiro, psychologist dedicated to the emotional aspects inherent to any negotiation, and at the time of publication of Beyond Reason, in 2005, associate director of the HNP, bow down to the realization that Emotions Matter (emotions are important), as announced on the back cover of the book. The authors write this work together with the intention of demonstrating: how to use emotions to transform controversies – small or large, professional or personal – in opportunity for mutual gain.

The focus is placed on the constructive handling and addressing of certain emotions, through the proper handling of the concerns that give rise to them. Five fundamental concerns, inherent to the human being and generating strong emotional reactions, are mentioned as central to the challenge of improving relationships and carrying out negotiations for mutual gain in domestic or corporate scenarios. The idea is to address as concerns source and not emotions resulting from them. If we make a parallel with the HNP, it would be like focusing on the interests underlying the rigid positions revealed, and not on the positions.

Positive or negative emotions can be obstacles to negotiation, but also, a great asset at the table, if managed properly. How the first answers from our brain and its biochemistry to any stimulus are involuntary, always need to be managed in life, not just at the negotiating table. The heart accelerates, the face pales and the hands become cold, without our being able to control it as a cousin.

Dealing with emotions is more difficult than dealing with the worries that underlie them. Therefore, knowing and addressing the concerns that are hidden under emotions, in order to enable their positive management, is the wise provocation made by Fisher and Shapiro in the publication Beyond Reason – using emotions while trading.

 

Quais would be the 5 core concerns inherent to the human being

These concerns must be taken care of in two ways between the two negotiators, which demands proactivity in relation to care for the OTHER (in addition to themselves), in order to make it possible for the OTHER to also respect and take care of the same 5 concerns regarding we.

The concerns perceived by the authors as central are as follows:

  • Appreciation: ignored when their ideas, feelings and actions are despised; practiced when they are legitimized and gain merit.

Management: What would I need to do to show appreciation for the OTHER and to help him/her equally appreciate my ideas, feelings and actions?

  • Belonging: compromised when treated with distance or as an adversary; prestigious when it is treated with proximity.

Management: how to find links with the OTHER and shorten distances, seeking structural and personal connections?

  • Autonomy: disregarded when the other imposes decisions; considered when the other respects your freedom to make decisions.

management: the brainstorming in the search for mutually beneficial solutions is an important resource to expand one's autonomy, while respecting that of the OTHER.

  • Status: unrecognized when treated as inferior to a others; prestigious when your merit as a person is recognized.

Management: our self-esteem is directly fed by the recognition of our status. social skills – courtesy, respect… – accompanied by the recognition of the competences of the OTHER, it brings relationships closer.

  • Role in the relationship: disregarded when imposed in conjunction with its attributions; recognized when it is possible to define one's own role in the relationship and the attributions pertaining to it.

Management: each relational role has its purposes and meanings; both need to be co-constructed, shared and respected.

 

The importance of handling the 5 central concerns in Mediation

Positive or negative feelings arise in response to the observance or not of these 5 central concerns of the human being. That is, part of provoking feelings and managing them is in our hands.

As the authors consider that these cares should be reciprocal in negotiation environments Postgraduate Course , in social or work life, expand this understanding by also considering the role of a third party facilitator in a negotiation, and the need for this third party to have their attention focused on these central concerns (how much they are being taken care of or not).

dialogue facilitators should consider as impasses to the dialogue the non-observance of these 5 core concerns and seek strategies to address their observance at the table. Respect for them needs to be offered by the facilitator himself and encouraged in everyone involved in a negotiation.

Measure emotional temperature, existing tension level e managing their elevation when at still manageable levels is the task of a dialogue facilitator. The resources to perform this task come not only from your experience, but fundamentally from your creativity in the face of the scenarios described above.

The role of a third-party facilitator ou mediator is fundamentally strategic and guided by two main objectives: to make the dialogue flow and to deconstruct impasses to the dialogue.. The outcome of the negotiation and the consensus to be obtained are the responsibility and authorship of the parties involved. The flow of the dialogue is the responsibility of the facilitator/mediator.

In the book we find the guidance prepare...prepare...prepare..., and good tips for this preparation, such as the following, offered to negotiators or those who are going to coordinate dialogue processes:

  • Purpose: (step 1 of preparation): goal needs to be hit at a particular meeting;
  • Product (step 2): what needs to be generated in the meeting that best serves this purpose;
  • Production (step 3): how to strategically design the step-by-step process to reach the product that achieves this purpose – ex. could the sequence: identifying interests, generating alternatives and choosing options be a good strategic design? Joint and/or private meetings? At what time?

 

How the facilitator, or negotiator, concludes os care related to the preparation

In addition to focusing on (i) the 5 core emotions (and others), (ii) the design of the dialogue process and (iii) the substance-object of negotiation, as recommended by our authors, the facilitator/negotiator must determine their WW and its DD:

  • WW (What Worked Well) – always evaluate and record what worked to your satisfaction;
  • DD (What Do Differently) – always evaluate and record what deserves to be reviewed next time.

Identifying a good preparation routine – before, during and after the negotiation – and recording successes and mistakes consolidate learning about what to keep, what to improve, what not to repeat (not forgetting the uniqueness of each case).

In addition, and fundamentally, being attentive to the concerns that lie behind the emotions expressed helps us not to be driven by emotions and not to be deprived of strategies to manage them.

May the special lesson of this reading be embodied in us: identify and manage concerns, not emotions (address the concern, not the emotion)!

blank

 

 

 

 

Beyond Reason – using emotions as you negotiate.
Roger Fisher & Daniel Shapiro
236 pages

 

Do you already know our collection IN A FEW WORDS… of free e-Books? check out on this link and happy reading!

* Tania Almeida – Master in Conflict Mediation and Dialogue Facilitator between individuals and/or legal entities. For 41 years she has been designing and coordinating dialogue processes aimed at mapping, crisis prevention, change management and conflict resolution. She is the creator and founder of the MEDIARE System, a set of three entities dedicated to dialogue – research, service provision, teaching and social projects.